There Is No Reason To Say "I Love you"

There were times when I was required to voice out those 3 words and there were times when I felt like I needed to tell it to somebody but I couldn't. It was very hard for me, even now. It feels like committing suicide or submitting myself to death which I think is the same thing. It takes a lot to say those words, especially to somebody you truly love apart from God and your parents.

Itulah masalah aku dari dulu sampai sekarang. Susah bagi aku nak ada mood cinta dan melafazkan ayat2 gila tuh. Perlukah? Haruskah? Wajibkah? Bagi aku kalau kita takde sebab-sebab penting untuk kata ayat tuh jangan disebut langsung. Those words are strong and if used wrongly boleh membawa masalah besar.

Dalam hubungan pasangan kekasih pula... Mesti ramai yang tengah hot ber-couple selalu ucapkannya. Yes, even my current-so-called-love-partner texts me those three words every night....well, almost every night. It irks me because I don't really like it hence the no reply of his lovey wishes.

I have been in three relationships. My first "love" was wild, funny, awkward and childish for I was very young and immature. He on the other hand was growing up. A young teenager. I was about 11 and he was 14. We've known each other since we were babies. Why'd he like me I'd never know... He gave me cute presents and stuff with a little cruel prank here and there. It was cute. HE was cute. I really like him despite how mean he is.

We kept our childish relationship a secret because we know people would talk. It lasted for 2 years when I was 13. I felt so heavily guarded by him like a little bunny in a cage. He was overprotective eventhough I know he too wanted so badly to be free, to not take care of that little bunny. So we came to agreement to break it off. During the whole period of the relationship I rarely said those 3 words. Even if I did it was on an important day like his birthday or our anniversary... Hahaha!

My second "Love story" consist of a week of dating with a guy I know from TDC. He was half Indian half Chinese... The Chindian. We dated because of a dare so that's probably a different case. Still, we acted like a normal couple with the touching limits of course. Now, not ONCE have I said those words. He on the other hand kept wishing me love every friggin night. We reached the signed date and we're "putus''. I felt soooooo happy! Not that he wasn't great or anything. I just like being single. 

I am now in my current relationship with a guy; a nerdy guy. I don't really have a thing for him but he is head over heels for me. I'm not berlagak-ing  or anything. He just do. It's obvious. I became his girl because IPT him. But I swear I'm liking every friggin second he texts me. That's a good thing, right? I hope so. We've been dating for a week now and I feel bounded. It's weird. It's makes me feel uneasy. The sacred words? No...not yet. Jangan harap.

So yeah. I don't think those words are needed. Sure, you're dating with someone or have this giant casanova crush on somebody who probably don't know you but that doesn't mean you have to say it, right?

I'm 15 going 16 for God's sake! I am going to simpan ayat2 tuh dan ucapkannya dengan penuh kasih sayang pada orang yang aku rasakan dunia aku... Lambat lagi woo! 

So yeah... There Is No Reason To Say "I Love You".... yet.

Peace.

1st of December; The Death Of The Duke.

                                                                   The Duke Crew

I have been with TDC for 2 years now. Banyak yang aku dapat after I've joined them. Friends, family, happiness and sometimes...money (^_^). Setelah semua halangan dan cabaran kami tempuh just to win the Prank War and to obtain Black rose, kami memperoleh 1 kemenangan iaitu dalam Prank War tapi kalah la pulak dalam pencarian Black Rose tuh...

Sedih la jugak bila dapat tau TDC fall 3 places in the Ranking ( dapat number 7 ).

Lagi sedih masa dapat tau seorang member meninggal dunia akibat dibunuh.

Sedih tak terhingga bila kalah kepada M18 dalam "Quest of The Black Rose".

Desperate bila dapat tau 'Senior' gagal dalam S2F (Senior Street Fight).

Mati bila dapat tau TDC akan dibubarkan.

It's official. TDC along with GirlsRUS, Ave, No Pain and 34Limit akan dibubarkan. Why? Because we failed to win. M18 who found Black Rose are allowed to operate as long as their title is not stolen. Pfft! Bukannyer hebat pun diorang tuh! Tengok la tahun depan, aku and former TDC will get our revenge!

Ehem ehem.

Anyway, aku along with 150 others will be at our own curb to attend our last offical crew meeting. And then, Dukies no more.

Aku x puas hati! Dahlah susah payah aku upgrade rank aku, lepas tuh crew mesti dibubarkan. Adat kata diorang. Ceh! Takpe takpe! Bekas Leader of Diamond ni akan kembali to wreck havoc! Nantikanlah! M18, jangan happy sangat! Ini baru permulaan! CAYALAH!

Tapikan... aku rasa happy la. Sebab tahun depan ada group baru! Hohoho!

Apa-apa hal, aku enjoy.

Peace.

PMR = Merdeka?

Salam..

So, PMR dah tamat and that means no more studying like hell. Aku terasa satu kekosongan dalam hati dan sanubariku...

Mengapa? Bukankah ini time untuk enjoy? Bukankah ini saatnya untuk aku melaungkan "MERDEKA" ? Bukankah ini saatnya untuk aku menggedik?

"I want you to learn French, okay? It's important if you want to survive when we get there. Moreover, you still have to study. I don't want my daughter to forget her education. No pressure, honey. No pressure."

My dad reminds me to always study and to study another new subject.... French. As if English and BM is not enough. But I don't give a damn! I want education and to be educated eventhough my heart tells me no!

I love learning and nothing can change that. Ya, aku tau aku ni super duper mega ultra extreme malas tapi tu tak jadi penghalang! Hak3.

I sounded like a true nerd. Tapi aku tak kisah sebab aku suke jadi nerd....sometimes. Shocking? I know. Hey, jangan pandang serong pada aku, OK?!

Anyway... tamat PMR tu merdeka ke? Ya... memang, tapi aku anggap PMR ni macam rombongan pi London je (Sejarah from 3...). SPM belum lagi dah syok abis. Gila punya olang... Ceh, sementara result PMR blum keluar baik aku enjoy.. Takut dapat seperti yang tak dijangka kang nyesal abis. Kena control gak ke-enjoy-an nih..

Apa2 hal, aku happy tahap gempak remix. I hope result aku mantap. Ak pun hope kengkawan ak punyer result x kurang sama ngan aku... *aku ni baik orangnya... Hehehe.

Peace out.