There Is No Reason To Say "I Love you"

There were times when I was required to voice out those 3 words and there were times when I felt like I needed to tell it to somebody but I couldn't. It was very hard for me, even now. It feels like committing suicide or submitting myself to death which I think is the same thing. It takes a lot to say those words, especially to somebody you truly love apart from God and your parents.

Itulah masalah aku dari dulu sampai sekarang. Susah bagi aku nak ada mood cinta dan melafazkan ayat2 gila tuh. Perlukah? Haruskah? Wajibkah? Bagi aku kalau kita takde sebab-sebab penting untuk kata ayat tuh jangan disebut langsung. Those words are strong and if used wrongly boleh membawa masalah besar.

Dalam hubungan pasangan kekasih pula... Mesti ramai yang tengah hot ber-couple selalu ucapkannya. Yes, even my current-so-called-love-partner texts me those three words every night....well, almost every night. It irks me because I don't really like it hence the no reply of his lovey wishes.

I have been in three relationships. My first "love" was wild, funny, awkward and childish for I was very young and immature. He on the other hand was growing up. A young teenager. I was about 11 and he was 14. We've known each other since we were babies. Why'd he like me I'd never know... He gave me cute presents and stuff with a little cruel prank here and there. It was cute. HE was cute. I really like him despite how mean he is.

We kept our childish relationship a secret because we know people would talk. It lasted for 2 years when I was 13. I felt so heavily guarded by him like a little bunny in a cage. He was overprotective eventhough I know he too wanted so badly to be free, to not take care of that little bunny. So we came to agreement to break it off. During the whole period of the relationship I rarely said those 3 words. Even if I did it was on an important day like his birthday or our anniversary... Hahaha!

My second "Love story" consist of a week of dating with a guy I know from TDC. He was half Indian half Chinese... The Chindian. We dated because of a dare so that's probably a different case. Still, we acted like a normal couple with the touching limits of course. Now, not ONCE have I said those words. He on the other hand kept wishing me love every friggin night. We reached the signed date and we're "putus''. I felt soooooo happy! Not that he wasn't great or anything. I just like being single. 

I am now in my current relationship with a guy; a nerdy guy. I don't really have a thing for him but he is head over heels for me. I'm not berlagak-ing  or anything. He just do. It's obvious. I became his girl because IPT him. But I swear I'm liking every friggin second he texts me. That's a good thing, right? I hope so. We've been dating for a week now and I feel bounded. It's weird. It's makes me feel uneasy. The sacred words? No...not yet. Jangan harap.

So yeah. I don't think those words are needed. Sure, you're dating with someone or have this giant casanova crush on somebody who probably don't know you but that doesn't mean you have to say it, right?

I'm 15 going 16 for God's sake! I am going to simpan ayat2 tuh dan ucapkannya dengan penuh kasih sayang pada orang yang aku rasakan dunia aku... Lambat lagi woo! 

So yeah... There Is No Reason To Say "I Love You".... yet.

Peace.